WARNING, THE FOLLOWING
MAY SEND CHILLS DOWN YOUR SPINE ...
AND ELSEWHERE.
READ AT YOUR OWN RISK
**************************
Miss Battlexea memoir by Anthony Buccino
Miss Battleaxe had a pointy face like a battle axe and a nose carved from a granite promontory. Her beady dark eyes pierced through books and walls and little boys pointless shields and left a cold iceness on every smartass kid.
She taught us history for the 7th and 8th grades. We figured she was there with Washington, Jefferson and Lincoln, and she proofread the Monroe Doctrine.
In seventh grade I lost the draw and got her for Social Studies. That's a fancy name for history. There wasn't much social about it. She never let us talk to each other. She ruled with an iron look.
Our class was in the corner of the second floor, opposite the auditorium, down the hall from the band rooms, and next to one of the main staircases.
That classroom, the one with the unfinished portrait of George Washington hung among the spitballs stuck on the wall above the black board, was one flight up from the office.
Just one floor below her room the office buzzed with administrators administrating, secretaries filing and answering ringing bells, "Hello, Belleville Junior High School. To whom may I direct your call?"
Through a half-door, hidden behind a built-in shelf of cubby-hole mailboxes, and a counter, the door at the right led to the guidance counselors counseling guidance and placing more poor unfortunates like myself into the quiet crowded classrooms of Miss Battleaxe.
She wore her long dark hair twirled into a flume styled in the day like a beehive. The hair was pulled taut with the force of so much dried Aqua Net hair spray that it pulled every wrinkle out of her face, even the wrinkles that were supposed to be there. Her face distorted her eerie half-smile on the rare occasion when she had one - usually from putting a lowly seventh grader into his place - into an evil sneer like the one behind the
Phantom of the Opera on the
Million Dollar Movie. It was certainly enough to creep out most kids. Even the good kids who didn't have the brains to think of something evil to do were freaked out by the lineless face and the axe blade-like nose...
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